I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
