it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
