This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
