I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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