Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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