you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
