I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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