She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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