I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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