the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
