When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
