It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
