Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
