put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
