Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
