So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
