why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize