I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
