he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize