I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
