he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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