If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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