You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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