When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
