Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
