2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
