I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just fell off a train. Bad.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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