The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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