I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
