Is it because I queefed?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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