He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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