I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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