Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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