there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
