i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
