My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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