did you get engaged???
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
