I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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