What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
