that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
