The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
