No stitches, just platelets and will power
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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