So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
