He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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