oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Randomize
