dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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