omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
