Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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