Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
