I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We need a shit load of segways right now
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
