I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The feeling are messing with the penis
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
