A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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