Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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