Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
