OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
