You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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