Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
