That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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