OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
