Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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