Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
