Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize