My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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