And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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