I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
