So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
