this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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