Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
