he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
