did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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