I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
