Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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