The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
