Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The ass gains better be worth it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
