their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
