We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
