I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
