I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
