My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize