we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
