Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
