just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
