also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
