Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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