If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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