I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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