I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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