Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
