I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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