I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
