this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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