you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
