He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
