Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
