When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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