I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
