I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
True strength comes from lack of pants
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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