if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize