wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
